As I strive to live my life more authentically and slowly drag myself further out of the closet one step at a time, I am beginning to see more about what my life entails (and will involve) as an openly gay man.
Frankly it terrifies me. I like to believe that I am strong enough and I know I have a phenomenal support system of friends who will always be there to support, sustain, and lift me as I need them, but it is still scary.
This weekend I experienced Gay Pride for the first time. There were many wonderful emotions but there was also the most terrible experience of my life. I saw the beauty of a world filled with diversity but I also lived my own personal nightmare and hell.
I am still reeling from an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the group of Mormons who walked in the parade and for many dear friends, but I'm also sick over the betrayal of someone whom I thought was one of my dearest friends.
I don't know what my life will entail. Hell, I don't even know what tomorrow will bring. All I do know is that I can relate to a beautiful sign that was carried yesterday during the parade, "If you want to see the beauty of the rainbow, you have to endure the storm."
I hope you enjoy this arrangement of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." It is one of my favorites. Much love to all of you and thank you for being you. You all inspire me in so many ways. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
All my love,
MJ
I love you with all my heart MJ. I hate that the storms have to come your way, but I will do anything I can to help you get through them. I am so glad you have so many people who love you so much in your life. We will help you in any way we can. I wish I could erase all the crap you have been through, but I am so proud of how strong you have been and how much you have overcome. You are an amazing person and you are so full of light and love and goodness. This world needs YOU to brighten up its space and push away some of those dark clouds:) Love you!
ReplyDeleteI love you. I'm sorry to hear your weekend was so poor. But, I really had a great time hanging out with you for the little bit that we had. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to more and more support and love from the mormon world. I think it's slowly coming. :)
I think it is happening - maybe slowly, but the group of supportive mormons is growing and getting stronger. I know there were many, many people who wanted to march, but couldn't (I wish I could have been there). So many mormons support marriage equality and desperately want things to change. Eventually it will...or there will be an uprising. Or we'll start a new church :).
DeleteI really hope that living your authentic life becomes easier and more comfortable in time. I've been reading comments and stories from the people who marched in the parade, and there is so much love and goodness. I know there's also a lot of negativity, and I honestly don't know how you find the courage to face that day after day. But people like you, and the other bloggers, are making the world safer for people to be authentic. You are all my heroes.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I think you are amazing! And spending time with you this last weekend was so awesome!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to say too much here but I want everyone who has commented, especially my fellow bloggers, to know that my negative experience was not connected to you in anyway. In fact, my weekend was made liveable because you were all there in my life. Thank you.
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