Monday, October 29, 2012

Adieu to you and you and you!

On December 9, 2011, I sent Jo Miner a Facebook message.  It was the first time I had had any personalized contact with her since our freshman year of college at BYU in 2003/04.  I told her that I wanted to catch up with her and hear about her life (I had been following this blog for sometime and I was anxious to reach out to someone else who knew what it was like to grow up Mormon, in the South Jordan bubble, and also be gay) and I expressed interest in writing a guest post for the blog.

She responded the next day with love and compassion and excitement.  It scared me.

So, I chickened out and didn't respond until several weeks later.

Eventually I gathered enough courage to move forward and write my post.  It was published on the site on February 6, 2012 and on February 9 I agreed to become the new Monday contributor on LGBT Voices.

When I committed to write for this blog on a weekly basis, I was unsure of where I wanted my life to go.  I was in a dead-end job, I was still confused and in denial about my sexuality, and I was suicidal. Writing, though, is cathartic.  It's something that has always helped me process my thoughts and it gives me a way to purge the emotions that I bury so deeply in my mind and heart.

Well, as I wrote, my path became more clear.

On April 30, 2012, I gave my mother a letter that was addressed to both her and my father that explained my issues with the Mormon Church and that I was gay.

My life hasn't been the same since.

Coming out has destroyed many of my relationships and driven sharp wedges between me and essentially everyone else in my family. The tensions at home, though, fueled my efforts to be more authentic with myself.

I started dating again and met another man I truly cared about.  I was promoted at work and moved across the country.

I've lived through hell and learned from mistakes.  I have made new friends and lost some more.

Over the last nine months I have grown and changed in many ways.  Most good and a few other negative ones.

But I am me.  And I'm finally becoming okay with who I am; mostly because of this blog.

When I joined the site, I didn't know how long I was going to contribute.  This past week, however, it has become clear that it's time for me to move on.  At least for now, anyway.

I will be forever grateful for the blessings I have gained from writing for this site and I truly hope, in some small way, my words and experiences have helped some of you. Thank you all for coming on this phenomenal journey with me.  I have cherished your love and support.

I have grown to love many of you and I hope that we all keep each other close to our hearts.

So today, October 29, 2012, I must say good bye.  As the Sound of Music sings, "adieu to you and you and you."  You're all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope our paths cross again soon.


  1. I have loved peeking into your heart and your life through this blog and am sad to see you go, but I am also excited for the next part of your adventure, whatever it may be. I hope you'll keep us updated. Love you!

  2. Best wishes as you move forward. I have learned from your posts. It's been six months since I came out. Life is not the same. Some days are better. Some days are worse. Like you, I've learned to be me.

  3. Two reaction:
    One: I love you. good luck in life. wish you the best. it's been great knowing you.
    Two: how dare you leave me

  4. MJ, you're making me cry. I just love you and I'm so glad you reached out. It's been wonderful to read your posts, to hear about your life, and to learn and grow with you.

    I'm glad the blog could be a help to you along the way, and I have no doubts that your contributions have made huge differences in many lives (mine included).

    Stay in touch! And best of luck with everything as you move forward :)