Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Holding Back On You All

The above picture is an original photo taken by my best friend Kim. My biggest support system and the person I miss the most. She has always been there for me and always will be. I can easily say that I'm closer to her than my parents, my family, my BYU friends. But she attends UC Berkeley. Light years away as far as I'm concerned because the amount I get to see her is 0. And I don't like it. However, she is coming in March!!!

Which is six months away *angry face*

I want her here to help me make my decisions. I'm a grown man (or boy, maybe) but I still want her here to help me make decisions. 

What sort of decisions? Well, something I've been holding back from you all is that... well... I'm trying to date a 30 year old right now.

I'm not the type of person who wants to always have a relationship. However, they say I got out of one three weeks ago and I'm already moving on though. But I say I was single for a year and a half before my last relationship, just two relationships in a row just randomly happened.

For the record, I'm not in a relationship. I'm just seriously considering it. I really like this half Asian. 

Also, for the record, I know I need to be careful dating people this much older. He owns a house. He has two jobs. His mother lives with him (really, he owns the house and she moved in). And so, I recognize that I could be puppy loving with the ideas of what this half Asian brings. Ideas of security and future. But now I'm pretty sure this is not it. I'm puppy loving with the man behind all this.

He introduced me to coffee. At least the taste of it. Which I love. But I'm scared to try more than a couple gulps due to a certain hyperactivity level I display. :)

He keeps up with my banter. My jerkiness. My sarcasm. It is a competition without a clear winner. Now, I realize that this is not ideal for most people. But this what I like. Maybe it is a strange way of flirting.

So, without further ado, I will pursue a dating life with this man. He lives in Salt Lake *red flag! Long Distance Relationship!* He recently got out of a serious relationship that had built for almost two years *red flag! Rebound!* He is thirty years old *red flag!* But let me try. Let me try, because I have not had this much puppy love, this much infatuation, since I was 17. And now I'm 20. 

And to think I once discouraged one of my best friends from dating a 34 year old when she was 20. I get it now. When you know you want to date someone, you know. Age is an important factor when considering someone, but it is a factor that can be overridden. I want this to work. More than I wanted to be on the BYU racquetball team. More than I want to get out of BYU. More than I want that job I applied for yesterday. More than anything except Kim. I want Kim to be here. But that's not happening. So let me hope for this.


  1. That is a really cool leaf. If I ever get a tattoo, that is similar to one of the designs I have come up with.

    As for your half Asian, good luck! I wish you a world of happiness fild with as much snarky flirting as you can handle!

    Thanks for the update.

  2. Oh...just so you know, I didn't take the picture, haha. Courtesy of browsing Reddit every once in a while which I really shouldn't do. It just made me think of you.(= And is it odd that the thing I was most shocked about while reading this was that you liked coffee? :p Bummer about the racquetball team. I really miss you and hope things get better. You already know to be careful, but we're here for you regardless. Can't wait to see you. (=