Monday, October 22, 2012

This Week's Rubber Ball

When I was in high school, one of my AP teachers gave me some of the soundest advice I've ever received.  He said:

"Life is a juggling act.  Some of the balls are glass, others are rubber.  When it comes time to drop a ball, which will it be: rubber or glass?"

This week, unfortunately, LGBT Voices is my rubber ball.

I've opened up a lot on this blog.  I have shared much about myself, my struggles, and my journeys.  This week, however, I hurt too much and don't have anything constructive to say or to add to the conversation so, until next week, adieu.

PS - The missionaries made a surprise visit to my home this evening to ask "what challenges and concerns I have with the church."

Rather than explain my historical research, my concerns with who/what god is (or isn't), or that the organization is being run as a multi-billion dollar enterprise rather than a church, I decided to go with the simplest response: I. Am. Gay.

I explained that the church has made it extremely clear it doesn't want gay members in it's congregations so why should I attend a church that doesn't want me? 

They didn't have a response for me.

Shocking, I know.


It's my sister's 21st birthday today.  They celebrated yesterday (Sunday) but nobody felt like including me in the festivities.  I don't know why I'm surprised, they haven't spoken to me in months.  My sister did text me a picture of her blowing out her candles with her gifts and the family around her, though. Maybe it was an olive branch, I don't know.  It hurt though. A lot.

Some of you may wonder why I just don't call home.  I tried that, I've been trying for months.  It doesn't work. 

Maybe if the missionaries come back they can try and explain why the LDS Church's"Gospel of Love" excludes me not only from their church, but also from my childhood home and my parents' hearts.


  1. I love you, MJ. Your questions for the missionaries are hard ones, and I'm sorry that you (and so many others in the LGBTQ community) have to ask them. I guess this is one of those times where you hold to the love of your family of choice. Lots of love to you, friend!

  2. MJ,
    The missionaries came to our house once. I told them I'm gay and not interested in their teachings. They told me that I should at least take my children to church so that they can have the opportunity to learn about "our" savior. I told them I would take my children to church if they could say yes to my question. They were game so I asked them, "would you take your children to a place that would teach them that you, their parents, are going to hell?" "And further more, do you honestly believe this would be healthy for your children to hear?"
    I have to give it to the boys, they said no. We agreed that not going to church was the healthier option for my children. They neve came back to my house ;) although the visiting teachers come looking for Tiff all the time :)
    I'm sorry for your pain. Know you are not alone! You can come with our family and celebrate any time you'd like :) any holiday.
    Take a deep breath. Feel your truth and know that the only thing you can do is live your truth with every ounce of yourself.

  3. Happy birthday, I don't know you, but I felt like commenting! I feel so sorry to read about families choosing not to include their children - family and true friends should NOT abandon you because you choose a different lifestyle. I believe in a loving God, a God who loves his children no matter what path they choose. I have chosen to live with my boyfriend even though we are not married, I lost a lot of my mormon friends, or should I say "friends" (I am also inactive in the church) - because if they can't accept me for who I am they couldn't have been my friends. I wouldn't even dare to think about how they would feel knowing that I also found out as an adult that I am bisexual.
    So what am I saying, don't change who you are! Be strong, and I know you will get a happy life :-)

    Mette, a former BYU student :-)